NLP - The Map Is Not The Territory

My Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) learning has lead me to understand a little bit more about why Best Friend and I have had this little mis-understanding.

NLP has a number of presuppositions (assumptions) and I hope to write about more of these during my journey.  However there is one entitled "The Map Is Not The Territory".  This goes on to say that we are all operating on different maps of the world,  so we see, hear, feel different things to other people in the same situation.  We all tend to do what we think is right in a given situation, however because it is unique for each and every one of us, what feels ok for one person is seen differently by another.

So here I am with my own map that states that if Best friend needed extra support, she knows that I am here for her, when all the time her map might show that if I know things are completely right I should show her extra attention.  Doesn't that make life difficult?  Well, yes in a way, but it also provides the answer - its opk that we're different, we just need to understand that we're different.

If you want to know more about Maps and territory - I have found a useful website -

nlp training scotland

In the meantime - make sure you're holding your map the right way around. ;-)

Offering a helping hand.

I went to see Best Friend today.  She's been down lately.  I've sent a couple of texts and emails and had no reply.  I finally sent her a message through facebook.  She finally replied.  If it hadn't been for that I'd have sworn she was ignoring me.

Bare in mind that she works in the same building as me - I've not seen her since the start of May.

Clearly she's got her own problems.  These have been largely caused by her ex-husband but now she has an ex-boyfriend too.  Work is busy at the moment for her as well.  But this is Best Friend and I'm not sure that those are good enough excuses for cancelling lunch with me twice and not even mailing to let me know or contacting me in 3-4 weeks.

It hurts and my paranoia kicks in.

But these days I handle this sort of thing differently.  I revert to my NLP knowledge and accept that she's using a different map of the world than I am and has different priorities.  So my paranoia turns to concern about her mental health and that maybe she's heading for another bout of depression.  I'd like to reach out a hand and help but its hard to do when she won't let me in.